Stop Remembering What God Has Forgotten

 A few weekends ago, I had the privilege of going to an all women’s retreat that was organized by my church. The point of the retreat was of deliverance. By this, I mean that the goal was to let the Holy Spirit rid anything in us that was holding us back from the true potential that God has in store for us. Many areas were covered, and I can tell you that there was breakthrough in many areas; but there was one area that really impacted me, and I strongly believe that God had been preparing me for days, even weeks before that. That topic was forgiveness. But not your conventional “I forgive you, you forgive me” forgiveness. I mean, the real deal, the tough kind; forgiveness of the self. I can’t even tell you how many times I have been guilty of this. It was a really annoying cycle that I wanted to get out of for years. I would do something, feel guilty,  I would pray and repent, and get the forgiveness I so desired. But what happened after that? For years, I remained in a cycle of feeling extremely guilty, dirty, unworthy of forgiveness. Even though I KNEW that God had forgiven me, I just couldn't let it go. I wouldn't forgive myself. The lie repeated itself in my head that I was unworthy of forgiveness; that maybe God didn't forgive me after all.
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 A few weeks ago as I was praying for expectancy in that retreat, it came to me. God was like “NEWSFLASH” He HAD forgiven me; He just wanted me to forgive myself. Whatever sin you have committed doesn't define who you are, no matter how big or small. That’s where my freedom was. In forgiving myself, just as Jesus had forgiven me when he died on that cross for me. The bible says that we are new creations, so why don’t we believe it? Jesus says we are forgiven, but STILL we don’t believe it. We are too stuck in our own little bubbles, that if Jesus himself stood in front of us and told us we were forgiven, we probably still wouldn’t believe it.  We are all a work in progress, and that’s a fact! There isn’t anyone out there who can say that they are perfect and free of temptation, and if something is true, it's that we will always fall short of His Glory. 
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I held myself captive for years, and I know that I'm not the only one out there who has let guilt and shame take over. I'm here to tell you that God's grace and mercy is sufficient. His love is never ending, and you are never too deep into sin to be redeemed. We imprison ourselves by letting ourselves believe that we aren't worth it, and that whatever we did is too great. I can just imagine Jesus being like "why are you still on that? I forgave you already, and you are made clean" but then as imperfect and flawed as we are, we go and play "dress up" and we  play the role of the sinner, even though that isn’t who we are. What we fail to see is that in the Bible, there are TONS of people who made mistakes, but God used that for HIS glory! My God is truly a God of second chances! So I will leave you with a word that has helped me in my walk. It’s helped me realize that even if you mess up, it is okay, you aren’t perfect, but as long as you get up, wipe off the dirt and keep going, that’s what marks the difference.  Just remember to stop remembering what God has already forgotten.

“The godly may trip seven times, but they will get up again…” Proverbs 24:16

With Love, Michelle♥

But What About Queen Vashti?

I reread Esther for the 3rd time recently. This time Queen Vashti caught my attention like never before. As a Christian girl I was taught to love and want to be like Esther, to aspire to be just like her. Esther is great, God placed her in a place where she would save her own people. But God also gave queen Vashti her strong will so she would be banished and allow a Jew girl take her place and save his people. I love Queen Vashti, she sets the tone for this whole book, and sadly she's over looked or misunderstood and casts as a "bad wife".

"On the seventh day, when King Xerxes was in high spirits from wine, he commanded the seven eunuchs who served him—Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar and Karkas— to bring before him Queen Vashti, wearing her royal crown, in order to display her beauty to the people and nobles, for she was lovely to look at. But when the attendants delivered the king’s command, Queen Vashti refused to come. Then the king became furious and burned with anger."- Esther 1:10-12 

Can you say disobencice? Gasp! But let's take a look why, "For a full 180 days he displayed the vast wealth of his kingdom and the splendour and glory of his majesty. When these days were over, the king gave a banquet, lasting seven days, in the enclosed garden of the king’s palace, for all the people from the least to the greatest who were in the citadel of Susa." -Esther 1:4, 5.

180 plus 7 days of banquet = 187 days of King X being drunk, with him asking Queen Vashti to come with her crown. In that time that meant queen Vashti had to come in just her crown, and her birthday suit to parade around the men so that her king could show her off. Queen Vashti did not go she chose to be seen by the king in her timing and to have self respect. She may not have been "submissive" but she was intelligent, and way before her time. She is then disposed off and a law is past that all women should obey their husbands no matter what, in fear that women may react like Queen Vashti. Little did they know that Esther wasn't very different.

"I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.” -Esther 4:16 

Queen Esther presented herself to the King when she knew she could have died, but she still presented herself in her own timing, she did not wait for him to call her, something Queen Vashti would have done and did but quite in the opposite matter but they both chose the time in which the King saw them. 

As a women I adore Esther for her strategy and humbleness. But I absolutely love Queen Vashti, for her ability to stand up for herself just like Esther did for her people. Even though these women never met (or so I think), they both impacted many people, they empowered women to believe in something greater than laws. To believe in respect and empowerment. 

What do you think of Queen Vashti's actions? What would you have done in her place? 

God Loves Me & He's The One That Really Matters

Yesterday morning Dr. Maya Angelou writer of "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings" (one of my favourites during high school) and her other 6 autobiographies along with many poetry books and other phenomenal work died at age 86. Of course many of her old interviews surfaced up on the web and i watched a recent one by Oprah when Maya Angelou introduces her last autobiography titled "Mom & Me & Mom" in the interview, Oprah asked her, "Where do you go for solace, for comfort?" She started talking about Unity Church and in one of the books she read called "Lessons In Truth" and there is one particular line in the book that said "God loves me" she says "When I came to read it to my then mentor, Fred Wilkerson , the late Fred Wilkerson, I read "God loves me" he said, read it again "God loves me" he said, read it again, read it again and finally I read "GOD LOVES ME" ..... It still humbles me that this force which made leaves and flies and stars and rivers and you. Loves me! Me, Maya Angelou it's amazing, I can do anything and do it well, any good thing I can do it that's why I'm who I am, yes, because God loves me and I'm amazed at it and grateful for it" 
  

How many of us have really grasped that concept? That God loves me. It got me thinking about Dr. Angelou's life, in "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings" she writes how she was send with her brother to her grandma's house by her father and after a few years he came back and gave them to their mother. She was raped by her mother's boyfriend and she told her brother who then told everyone else and the man was arrested for one day. When he came out of jail he was killed and she became a mute for 5 years because "her voice had killed that man". In her other biographies she takes about having to work in a not so modest place and being a single mother at 17. Yet she is still able to grasp the idea that God loves her. No matter what, God loves her. While singing to Michael W. Smith's "You're The One That Really Matters" feat. Kari Jobe I got to thinking about how Maya Angelou might have felt; black, raped and a single mother. How everything in that time era singled her out as less than a human, and I don't know her personally but her words are words that have experienced pain and neglect, so you just know she suffered. But she kept going and at the end she can say "GOD LOVES ME" because no one matters but Him! 

Can you say that with confidence? 

Have you ever walked by someone and wondered "I wonder if they are looking at me, or looking at my thighs rub together, or belly jiggle or looking at my butt" (the butt one is for me cause it's my insecurity lol) Sounds silly right? But I'm sure that we have all thought it. Not just appearance wise but when I was in high school I would wonder if people would like how I acted or how I carried myself, I worried too much about what others thought yet putting on a brave face of "I don't care what the world says". Which was the biggest lie because I really did care, it was a time when I static in life, I wasn't moving forward but backwards. It is time to align our thoughts with the thoughts of Jesus. Lets not assume this "humble" position that it is okay to think less of yourself because it is "righteous". The one that really matters is Jesus and he loves you. I dare to say that your emotions to yourself do not matter either because you will always, always, always find something negative about yourself, but Jesus won't, He sees you as perfect, clean, pure and not at fault of any wrong doing. Those are the thoughts that really matter. When we stop wondering what others around are thinking but start to wonder what Jesus thinks of us when we walk down the street that's when you start to enjoy life a bit better. You walk with a smile on your face, your insecurities are no longer just yours but Jesus takes them and casts them into this huge ocean of grace. No longer do the chains of caring what others say hold you down. You live to please a living God, not imperfect humans. No one is staring at you when you eat, no one is staring at your belly, no one is staring, period. And if they are, do their thoughts really matter? Is the thoughts of strangers or a person who you know for 2 years really out rule to the thoughts of a God who has known you before you were created?

Declare "GOD LOVES ME" as many time a day as you need to, even if you don't believe it, say it. When you are feeling full of sin, say it. When you are feeling unappreciated, say it. Lonely? Say it. Angry? Say it. Eating a bowl of ice cream? Say it. Just say God loves me. It will change your life.

"I know that I have been found. The cares of life can't hold me down. 'Cause You're the one I want to please. What matters now is what You think. You're the one that really matters" - "You're the one that really matter"

"We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” In loving memory of Dr. Maya Angelou

Here's the interview with Oprah, its worth a watch! 

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